I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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