Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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