Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
