My friends, they love my intelligence
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i barfeds in our rink
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
