YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
