Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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