Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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