I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
