Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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