I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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