Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
