my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
