So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
