He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
