Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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