Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
