well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
