I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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