theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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