he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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