marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
