we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
