I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
