I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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