Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
