there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's no shave November. This is our time.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
