Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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