If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
