If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
