I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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