there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
