Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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