Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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