I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
