that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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