Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
