I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
