you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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