Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
