Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
