Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
