I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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