he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
