I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
