Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
