My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
