home. puking in laundry basket.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
