Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
