dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When are your genitals available?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
