During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
